Ariel's Story
(as told by Kevin)

"He doesn't look like a serial killer", I thought to myself, squinting at the blue-white light cast from my phone as I lay under my weighted blanket.

Online dating in your thirties right after covid is SO much fun, and not weird at all. So my bar for potential dates was already pretty high. Nonetheless, something about this guy is different. First off, he's not holding a fish in any of his profile pictures. His interests include hiking, and craft beer, which really sets him apart from literally every other guy on Bumble. Okay, time to shoot my shot.

On one hand: this guy might be the future love of my life. On the other hand: I'm a lil eepy.

On our very first date, I recommend some local watering holes. I show up early, for the first and last time in my entire life. And girls, am I so thankful that I did! Because I got to see him roll up on his Trek FX 2 bicycle, in plaid cargo shorts. SWOON. As he awkwardly dismounted (like a baby bird taking her first fledgling flight, and might I remind you that I am from a family of birders), and then looked for a bike rack, and then expertly muttered under his breath because the fucking key never fits in the fucking lock, god she's looking at me please not now, why am I always so sweaty

The conversation flew as I told him all about how I do my job but I want to do a different job, and he told me that he does his job but he wants to do a different job. Wow, we had so much in common!

We closed out that first bar, and I decided to impress him by taking him to another bar with BANK in the name. Boys love banks. On the way, he tried to be a gentleman by crossing onto the street side of the sidewalk, and I seized my moment by grabbing his hand.

"Wait what", he romantically crooned. "That wasn't what I was going for, but I'll take it." Girls, don't worry, he does have friends. You too could experience this pure euphoria. During the latter half of that date, I kept him informed about my friend who had gone missing, and he totally didn't think I was giving him the weirdest exit strategy from a Bumble date.

On our second date, he decided to take me to the fanciest place he could think of: a dive bar in Mountain View, California. He offered to meet me in a well-lit public parking lot. (I told you he wasn't a serial killer!) But I said let's walk from your place instead. I wanted to see what this guy was really all about.

As I stepped foot into his spacious 540 foot studio apartment, I couldn't help but appreciate the juvenile beauty of his capital A art. "I really like… your.. creations?" I quietly exclaimed, gesturing vaguely at his dozens of lego sets displayed as if they were something that should be displayed. Wow, a tech bro who doesn't like his job, lists beer as one of his hobbies, AND has a visible collection of lego sets? Girls, get you a man who can do all three.

Don't worry, he had big plans for us. Unbeknownst to me, he was trying to impress me by taking me to a bar that he had been going to every Saturday for the last few weeks in an attempt to order "his usual" on this date. Because as you know, every girl loves a boy who is a regular at a local dive bar!!!

"Hi Sarah!", I exclaimed as we transitioned from daylight to the specific darkness of a silicon valley bar on its last legs in the post-covid years. Turns out the bartender that Kevin had been attempting to woo into saying "your usual?" in front of his Bumble date was my friend from middle school. Sarah and I chatted away as Kevin sipped his beer, thrilled that his plans had been spoiled so completely.

On our walk home, I pointed at a tree and asked him if he saw the face. Girls, you know we're all basic bog witches, and if he doesn't appreciate that about you then he can get put in the cauldron. But he was like "oh yeah, totally, sure" so I smooched his face before I left.

Kevin continued to impress me by taking me on a picnic to a beautiful local park he found, which turned out to be Subway subs at my actual middle school. By this time, I knew he was the one. I just wasn't sure which one.

We met each other's friends and family. I connected with Liz and Jess about our favorite reality TV show, Farmer Wants a Wife. Kevin shotgunned beers with Isaac, and adopted Zach's catch phrase: the most sardonic "wonderful!" a human being can muster.

Fast forward a few months, and he brought up the logistical fact that his lease was up and he needed to decide where to live, exactly like what happens halfway through every rom-com movie. "I'm not sure", I whispered. "Me neither", he twitched. So I got him a little drunk and convinced him to rent the mansion across the street from me, from the guy who invented QuickTime, because that's a completely normal thing to do where I'm from.

We spent, and I really mean spent, a year gazing lovingly at each other through the blinds across the street from each other. There were turkeys. There were problematic trees. There were a lot of walks to Freewheel.

A couple months into this living situationship, Kevin offered to buy the house next to mine and build a sky bridge between them.

"No that's weird", I said, quivering with the opposite of anticipation.

So we decided to move. Where?

"Anywhere but here", he said, very decisively.

We ended up on a road trip up and down the Pacific Northwest. I pointed to a spot on the map.

"Eugene? I'm not living in a place called Eugene, that's dumb." he said, open-mindedly.

"But my mom said we'd like it."

Turns out Eugene has everything we both love. I love art, and the music scene, and the nature and community. And Kevin loves beer, sandwiches, and the idea of one day disappearing into the woods and never being seen again.

And now we're here!

We've been building our little #cottagecore house for a few years. I added a flower garden in the front yard. He added 150,000 stinging insects in the backyard. I made sure our kitchen would work for my science job. He insisted on a "nook" and when I asked what goes in there he said "none of your business" and then absconded up the ladder like a spider skittering up its web.

We love our community here. I'm super social, and I play a lot of intramural sports, so I have no shortage of close friends. Meanwhile I ask Kevin what he's doing, and he lovingly mutters, "drinking with the boys". Joke's on him, I'm better friends with most of the boys than he is!

At this point, things were getting pretty serious. But we're getting older, and we're not religious, and we're just kinda happy where we are. So what's the point of getting married?

The point is that getting married means that you're explicitly telling somebody that THIS IS IT. If this was a video game, this would be the point where we manually save because anything from here will be not as good. As Kevin's therapist once asked him: "What more could you ask for than enjoying the life that you've built?"

Back when we were still looking for a house in Eugene during the summer of 2023, we both spent a bunch of random weekends up here looking at places, walking around, and daydreaming. During one of those solo trips, Kevin discovered the Eugene Saturday Market, a big art market that happens every Saturday in Eugene. Kevin knew that Ariel wanted to get more serious about art, so he daydreamed about a Saturday in the future where Ariel would wake up in the morning, go to her booth at the Saturday Market to sell her wares, and Kevin would bike up to get her some lunch before going back to whatever house project he was swearing at that day. He decided then, that when that day happened, it would be proof that they had achieved their dreams, and he would propose.

And that's what he did. And she said yes.

So here we are. And here you are.

Cheers.